'Aight... so I just got back from seeing Spider-Man 3. Literally. Like, I walked in the door less than 10 minutes ago. The movie was... odd. Not what I was expecting. It was def. good, but there were some parts I really had to question. But in the end... come on, it's SPIDER-MAN!!! Anyways... so one of the things in the movie that bothered me, and II don't mean to give away the story here, but Peter Parker deals with his darker self(and if you're a semi-spider-man buff, then you'll know that), and how his emotions are exenuated through the symbiot. And that got me thinking bout my life, and what it really means. Where my emotions, thoughts and feelings are. Why they are like they are, and what, if anything, I can do about them. I'm really struggling in my life right now. I have faith in God, I believe that he can fix it, but the struggle and conflict is still there, and it bothers me(fyi- I'm not usually an easily bothered person). I see things going on around me and I just don't understand them. I just don't seem to be able to grasp what's happening around me. I feel like I'm watching a very complex play, and there's nothing I can do to get out of the theatre, nor can I just run away. I'm trapped here. I can't leave. I can't run. I can hardly hide. I feel Christ shining down upon  me, yet the glory isn't seeping in my pores like I envision it doing. I want things I'm not ready for, I desire things that I haven't earned, and I pray against things that I would normally being praying and begging God for, cause I KNOW I can't be trusted with those things. That one thing. That one important thing. I feel that I've failed, and I need to just forgive myself and move along with my life. Why do I doubt God's power??? I need him so badly. I need you Father. Please send help, sent reassurance to my heart that you are the Lord of all, and that nothing happens without your knowledge. Father keep me in your way. Help me almighty lord. Give me strength. Keep my mind firm, and help me to plaese cease my worrying. Help me to give everything to you.

~Griddles

In truth, ifcould I grasp the brand new moon,

In all itspure, unchanged, fine grandeur lit.

The power andmight of God’s radiance soon

With you,suffered it would be then to sit.

Yet still withnaught but cold accursed night

Do I inactivestay. Unchanged by way

Or whim, whichyou inauspiciously sight.

For you haveleft me nothing more to say,

Excluding allbut this. Tenderness took

My heart. Yourlaugh, my ears. Your smile, my eyes.

Alas, my soul,so crushed by but a look,

Emotionlessand void. My being cries

For warmth,the wealth of life. Yet harshly cold

Your aloofness youshowed. Was I so bold…?

So yeah... While most of my friends are either on, or just getting off of spring break... I'm forced to remain in the constant struggle with my school work, for I am a procrastinator like non other. I'm terrible. I blame my parents, I blame society... but mostly I blame myself for not having the self drive to get my work done. I'm so tired of doing the same thing over and over and over again... I feel like the apostle Paul as he's saying in Romans 7, "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." I wanna just pinpoint the location of this sin, and chop it off... but it seems to be in the very marrow of my bone... part of my DNA almost... I know hat the law shows it... that God hates it... that Christ blood covers it. But I want to change it. I keep trying ny myself... and that doesn't work. I need God to help me... now more than ever.

Hope ya'll have had a great easter. Mine was... odd. Beautiful, yet refreshingly odd. Not gonna explain, so don't ask... All three of you that read this... :-\

God Bless til He returns...

“In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.”
-Charlie Brown

    WOW. Prom was awesome. Had such a great time. Got ta dress up in ma tux. Lookin all fancy. My date looked fabulous (Seriously, I'm not just saying that). I hung out wit a good, hilariously interesting group of people. and had a really great time at ma first ever Prom. I'll just kinda give a recap of last night... but until about 7am.
    So we (Me and Amanda, Erin and Casey, and Brian and Megan) went to eat at TACO BELL, so we wouldn't have to pay a butt load of money when we went to the Myrtles later. Turns out that didn't work... But The Myrtles were a ton of fun. We took pictures, and the food was good. I'm pretty convinced that they used McDonalds french fries, and Camble's Tomato Soup... but it was still really great.
    So then we went to the Prom. It was great. We Talked, Danced and Drank (water). Considering that I'm a horrible dancer... had a really great time. I think I stepped on Amanda's toes a grand total of like 10 times (sry Amanda!)... but minus that. Totaly awesome.
    After Prom we went to Clark's house. Food!!! His mom cooked a bunch of bacon, sausage, eggs, biscuits, and she made this really fabulous coffee punch(that was seriously the strongest thing I had all night :-\ ). So yeah... then we went out to the hot tub, and I seriously was about to fall asleep, and fall in the tub... So we left and went to Troy's.
    That slide was freakin amazing. I didn't go on it with water... but it was crazily high up in the air.The thing even flipped over. Histarical. So yeah.. after dat I took Amanda to her house, and then I went home... and I got all of like... 4 hrs of sleep, casue the people's house that I'm staying at woke me up at like 7am to eat breakfast with them and their kids. Which any other day would have been great... but I really wanted my pillow more than I wanted a sausage biscuit...
    So I went ta church dis morning, and now I'm just chillin back at ma house. Gonna try and get some sleep before 3pm, cause I'm coaching my U10 guys. Last game of the season. Undefeated. God is good.

God Bless ya'll in all ya do,

Life's been pretty normal these past couple of days. Last Friday I went with John and Colin to Afton Villa (sp?) to take Senior pics. We had a great time. We even got some pretty good pictures. This whole, Coaching soccer, playing soccer, trying to finish school, attempting to have a semi-relavent social life, is getting pretty intense. Coaching should be over soon, which I'm gonna miss, cause I love getting a chance to teach those guys. But my time is just way to messed up. I pray that God'll help me through this, cause I really need him.